May 2005……want to go back…..’nuff said.
I’ve been thinking a lot in recent days about my life, partly due to watching The Mermaid Chair the other day. When I “read” the book (audible.com) it really struck a chord with me, not that I am anxious to run off and have an affair with a monk, but the place in which Jessie (the main character) found herself. In her early 40’s, her daughter off to college she finds herself reflecting on her place in the world, longing in some ways for independence, for value and significance separate and apart from her roll as daughter, wife and mother. I think it’s a common feeling among those of us of a certain age; that we turn inward and try to figure out what’s next. For me, it seems like my life has been one of waiting. Waiting for birthdays and Christmas’s, waiting for school to start, to let out for the summer and then waiting to be done. Waiting for love, waiting to get married, waiting to have children. Waiting for my husband to get home, waiting for the kids to come home from school, waiting to find out where we would move next. I’ve waited 3 times now for Brad to finish his degree’s; now I’m waiting for him to finish the his PhD dissertation—waiting to have our lives back. I wait for my adult children to phone, to return phone calls or messages, wait for them to think beyond themselves. I’m waiting to see the harvest of what was planted. I’m waiting for the perfect job to come along, waiting for the cooler days of fall, waiting for my next opportunity to run away with the camper. Waiting for the feelings of being lost and adrift to pass.
I don’t think any of this is abnormal. I think, like I said, that all of us become reflective from time to time. I think it’s an important part of growth, that to keep on keepin’ on without introspection leads to stagnation and boredom. To examine oneself is a necessary part of becoming what you are meant to be in this world. To shut the door on reflection is to become an automaton, something less than vital. I know there are people who don’t want to be challenged to think outside the box, that it’s a threat to their well thought out lives. Anything that upsets or challenges the status quo is bad, sinful. I’ve chosen to expose myself to a broad range of experiences with the belief that one cannot truly believe anything until they can believe it when challenged.
To borrow a oft heard phrase…….Can I get a witness??
Have a fabulous weekend, full of fibery adventures and family fun 🙂