Random thoughts today…..
I’ve been thinking more about my yarn choice for the cardigan on my to do list. I said the other day that I had just about settled on a creamy vanilla color, choosing the practical over the bright, vibrant color. I’m now having second thoughts, and the reason for this is that somehow I don’t feel able to make a good choice. I know, that sounds really bizarre, but it’s true. I’ve really never been the kind of person who is indecisive or wishy washy, but lately I’ve received a lot of, shall we say “input” as to clothing choices, hair style and color choices, decorating ideas and so forth, and I’m feeling sorta insecure in my formerly solid preferences. Why is it that when we ask for input, we feel obligated to do what the person is suggesting, regardless of whether or not we like their idea? Why do we ask for another opinion and then put more stock into it than into our own, original idea? Are we somehow trained to think that others are much smarter than we are, that they see things we don’t, that their way must be better? Why do we continually doubt our instincts, even when time has proven that we can trust them? Is it because that if we are all of a sudden out of our comfort zone, our very selves are shaken? That change can cause instability in our decision making template and we find ourselves unable to get off the fence for fear we will be in even more unfamiliar territory?
I think for me, it stems from my recent move back to Colorado. I remember the move to Washington 3 1/2 years ago and feeling like I had lost my mind. It had been a very stressful year leading up to the move, and even though I was returning to my home state, I felt completely lost for several months. I was without my job, without my network of friends, in a place that was both familiar and changed. It took me ages to find my feet, and then, as I was really feeling good about my place in the universe, we left. Not only did we leave, but our children did not…..they stayed behind. And we returned to a place that was both familiar and changed, to the house that I had “built” but that had been another families home for the time we had been away. And I left my family, and a job that I loved, and season tickets to the 5th, and the water and I’m still struggling to find my feet.
What I have left, is knitting, and so it seems really important to make the right choice. For some reason I can’t quite wrap my mind around, it seems unreasonably important. Perhaps it’s that, at least for now, my identity is being loosely held together by yarn, and that makes the choice more vital. Perhaps it’s that I am not personally earning the money to support my habit, and so I want to make the very best choice….who knows.
But the fact remains…..what I originally wanted was the sweater I saw in the magazine. What I think will be most practical is a neutral sweater in washable fiber at a good price, and the decision matrix is driving me nuts. One thing that is certain, if I don’t get off the dime very soon, I will not have the yarn in time for my trip, and that would be a bummer.
Okay, enough of that. Last night I did something totally out of character, I did not watch the Olympics. I was raised by a sports fanatic. My Dad would watch ANY sport: bowling, cliff diving, shuffle board, you name it. During football season he would watch two games simultaneously, flipping channels, be listening to a game on his radio through headphones and often have the sports pages in front of him as well. If the Olympics were on, by gum, we were watching. I got some of that…..if the Olympics are on, then it is my patriotic duty to watch, to cheer for our athletes and feel the swell of pride when they win and have medals awarded to the strains of The Star Spangled Banner. But last night I was really enjoying listening to an episode of Cast-On and knitting on the stash scarf. Hubby stayed late at work, I didn’t have to stop what I was doing and prepare a meal and I was enjoying the process and the quiet. It is a lovely thing to be perfectly content with oneself, and not feeling guilty that you should be doing something else. And that’s where I was, enjoying the moment.
The really spiffy byproduct of this quiet evening is a finished scarf, which really turned out cool.
The only downside is that because the cast on edge is a crocheted chain, it is quite firm and doesn’t have any give, causing a slight curve over the length of the scarf. Once around the neck it is not noticeable, but it is enough to bug me a bit. I think, if knit another scarf in this style, I will use my tried and true long tail cast on rather than pick up the stitches from a crocheted chain, as the in original directions.
Today, the plan is to pull out a sweater that I finished about a year ago and get it sewn up…..I really don’t like sewing up. Usually, by the time I’m finished with the knitting, I’m pretty tired of looking at the project, so I put it away for a while and, well, a year is long enough, don’t you think? It really is a great sweater though…pictures tomorrow. The other thing I’d like to do today is go to town for the supplies I need to take to camp……..
……and make a decision about yarn.